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The Scientist Who Scans Fathers' Brains: The Parenting Checklist You NEED Before You Have Babies!

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What actually happens to your brain, and how fast or slow do you age when you become a parent? Dr. Darby Saxbe reveals the surprising science of the "parental brain" and how fatherhood physically reshapes a man's mind, why dads lose grey matter, what really happens to testosterone, and why the "dad bod" might be nature's design. Dr. Darby Saxbe is a professor of psychology and a leading researcher on the neuroscience of parenthood. She is the founder and director of the NEST (Neuroendocrinology of Social Ties) Lab at the University of Southern California, where her pioneering work studies how the transition to parenthood changes the brains, hormones and relationships of both mothers and fathers. Her research has reshaped how scientists understand fatherhood, men's mental health, and what it really takes to raise a child. CHAPTERS * 00:00:00 Intro * 00:02:13 Role Of Fathers In Parenting * 00:06:10 What Happens To The Brain When You Become A Father? * 00:09:09 Why Testosterone Drops When Men Become Fathers * 00:11:22 Should Men Be Worried About Lower Testosterone? * 00:15:39 What Fatherhood Can Change In A Man’s Personality * 00:19:00 The Upsides And Downsides Of Parenting * 00:21:30 What Happens When We Make Parents Fight? * 00:23:48 Why The Birth Experience Can Shape Your Relationship * 00:27:25 Are People Waiting For The Perfect Time To Have Kids? * 00:30:44 Why Fewer People May Be Choosing Parenthood * 00:35:12 Ads * 00:37:34 Do Parents Actually Have Healthier Brains? * 00:45:02 What Does Daycare Really Mean For Children? * 00:47:17 Why Mothers Become The Default Parent * 00:49:10 Maternal Gatekeeping And Weaponized Incompetence * 00:52:04 What Really Happens To Relationships After A Baby * 00:54:27 Why Fathers Can Experience Postpartum Depression * 00:56:45 Can Your Personality Predict Whether You’ll Divorce? * 01:00:51 Why Women’s Ovulation May Be Harder To Detect * 01:03:06 How Can You Increase Your Chances Of Conceiving? * 01:04:03 What Every New Father Needs To Know * 01:04:51 Ads * 01:05:51 How Should Parents Divide Baby Care? * 01:07:54 What Couples Should Do Before Having Kids * 01:13:26 How To Protect Your Relationship After Having Children * 01:15:24 Is The Dad Bod More Attractive? * 01:18:36 What Does Your Childhood Teach You About Parenting? * 01:20:30 How Divorce Can Affect Children * 01:20:47 Are Humans Really Meant To Be Monogamous? * 01:22:09 What Are The Biggest Concerns About Modern Parenthood? * 01:23:54 What Systemic Change Could Transform Parenting? She explains: ◼ Why a father's brain physically shrinks when you become a dad ◼ Why testosterone drops in new fathers ◼ Why the "dad bod" may signal a more attentive hands-on father ◼ Why men experience postpartum depression ◼ Why raising a child was never meant to be done by two people alone Follow Dr. Darby Saxbe: X: https://x.com/darbysaxbe [https://x.com/darbysaxbe] NEST Lab: https://www.nestlab.ca [https://www.nestlab.ca] Her research: https://dornsife.usc.edu/nestlab/ [https://dornsife.usc.edu/nestlab/] Her book ‘Dad Brain: The New Science of Fatherhood and How It Shapes Men's Lives: https://a.co/d/03Qhspxt [https://a.co/d/03Qhspxt]Join her US based ‘Daddy Stroller Social Club’: https://daddystrollersocialclub.com [https://daddystrollersocialclub.com] The Diary Of A CEO: ◼ Join DOAC circle here - https://doaccircle.com/ [https://doaccircle.com/]◼ Shop The Diary Of A CEO collection: https://thediary.com/collections/shop [https://thediary.com/collections/shop] ◼ Get email updates - https://link.thediaryofaceo.com/5IB1H6E [https://link.thediaryofaceo.com/5IB1H6E]◼ Follow Steven - https://link.thediaryofaceo.com/AGU9QP4 [https://link.thediaryofaceo.com/AGU9QP4] Sponsors: Shopify - https://shopify.com/bartlett [https://shopify.com/bartlett]Linkedin Talent Solutions - http://linkedin.com/DOAC [http://linkedin.com/DOAC]Pipedrive - https://pipedrive.com/CEO [https://pipedrive.com/CEO]

Highlights

This conversation examines parenthood as a profound biological, psychological, and social transition. It looks beyond familiar stereotypes to explain how caregiving reshapes fathers, couples, children, and the wider systems that support family life.
00:00
Fatherhood reshapes the brain, body, and relationships
05:18
Fatherhood adapts to children’s needs
06:10
Brain shrinkage can support parental adaptation
09:09
Caregiving can reshape a father’s hormones
14:56
Healthy habits matter more than hormone levels
15:39
Strong family bonds drive lasting well-being
19:00
Parenthood changes the brain as well as the heart
21:30
Relationship quality shapes childbirth support
26:44
Validation turns conflict into connection
30:10
Parenthood should be supported, not perfected
34:03
Children offer meaning beyond digital entertainment
37:34
Parenthood can make the aging brain look younger.
45:02
Sustainable parenting requires shared caregiving.
47:17
Parenting roles evolve as children grow.
49:10
Trust turns parenting into a shared responsibility.
52:04
Parenthood can bring couples closer or pull them apart
54:38
New fathers can suffer postpartum depression too
59:44
Growth comes from meeting each other in the middle
1:00:52
Concealed ovulation may have strengthened monogamy
1:03:07
Relaxation alone cannot solve infertility
1:04:03
Great fathers are shaped by time, care, and practice
1:05:54
Shared parenting strengthens relationships after birth
1:13:02
Early parenting challenges are temporary and worthwhile
1:13:26
Grace and communication strengthen couples through parenthood.
1:15:25
The dad bod may signal hands-on fatherhood.
1:18:36
Parenthood is a profound transformation
1:20:30
Divorce can create lasting challenges for children
1:20:47
Humans balance pair bonding and reproductive flexibility
1:22:11
Hope can outlast social division
1:23:55
Healthy generations require stronger parenting support.

Chapters

Intro
00:00
Role Of Fathers In Parenting
02:13
What Happens To The Brain When You Become A Father?
06:10
Why Testosterone Drops When Men Become Fathers
09:09
Should Men Be Worried About Lower Testosterone?
11:22
What Fatherhood Can Change In A Man’s Personality
15:39
The Upsides And Downsides Of Parenting
19:00
What Happens When We Make Parents Fight?
21:30
Why The Birth Experience Can Shape Your Relationship
23:48
Are People Waiting For The Perfect Time To Have Kids?
27:25
Why Fewer People May Be Choosing Parenthood
30:44
Ads
35:12
Do Parents Actually Have Healthier Brains?
37:34
What Does Daycare Really Mean For Children?
45:02
Why Mothers Become The Default Parent
47:17
Maternal Gatekeeping And Weaponized Incompetence
49:10
What Really Happens To Relationships After A Baby
52:04
Why Fathers Can Experience Postpartum Depression
54:27
Can Your Personality Predict Whether You’ll Divorce?
56:45
Why Women’s Ovulation May Be Harder To Detect
1:00:51
How Can You Increase Your Chances Of Conceiving?
1:03:06
What Every New Father Needs To Know
1:04:03
Ads
1:04:51
How Should Parents Divide Baby Care?
1:05:51
What Couples Should Do Before Having Kids
1:07:54
How To Protect Your Relationship After Having Children
1:13:26
Is The Dad Bod More Attractive?
1:15:24
What Does Your Childhood Teach You About Parenting?
1:18:36
How Divorce Can Affect Children
1:20:30
Are Humans Really Meant To Be Monogamous?
1:20:47
What Are The Biggest Concerns About Modern Parenthood?
1:22:09
What Systemic Change Could Transform Parenting?
1:23:54

Transcript

Steven Bartlett: You've discovered something about the brain, I think is quite surprising. Darby Saxbe: So we found that in fathers, the brain is actually shrinking, and I'll explain why. But also there are studies that find that both men and women who re...