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Keeping Secrets

Overview

Shownote

Highlights

Transcript

Chapters

Pins

Keeping Secrets

Hidden Brain

Feb 02
Hidden Brain

Hidden Brain

Feb 02
OverviewShownoteHighlightsTranscriptChaptersPins

Shownote

We all carry secrets, from harmless omissions to life-changing truths. But secrecy isn’t neutral: hiding takes mental work and can harm our health and relationships. In this week’s show, and in our episode next week, psychologist Leslie John [https://www.lesliekjohn.com/]explores the costs of concealment — and how opening up can give us more mental space and deepen our connections. After you listen to today's episode, check out our Hidden Brain+ conversation called "When to Hide the Truth." In that episode, we talk with Leslie about when and where it may be best to withhold information. If you're not yet a Hidden Brain+ subscriber, you can hear that episode with a free seven-day trial -- just go to support.hiddenbrain.org or apple.co/hiddenbrain. Thanks for listening!  Our next stops on Hidden Brain's live tour are coming soon! Join Shankar in Philadelphia on March 21 or New York City on March 25. More info and tickets are at hiddenbrain.org/tour [https://www.hiddenbrain.org/tour/].  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com [https://pcm.adswizz.com] for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Highlights

This episode dives into the hidden psychological weight of keeping secrets—not just dramatic betrayals, but the everyday silences we carry to protect ourselves or others.
03:51
People often conceal true feelings to avoid social embarrassment or maintain impressions
10:37
Jennifer discovered her parents had an open relationship via an email
14:04
People often overlook the harms of sharing too little information and should adjudicate sharing decisions more balancedly
17:27
80% of patients hide health-related information from doctors due to shame
27:32
We often think we're the only ones with shameful secrets because secrets aren't visible
40:43
Four out of five top regrets of the dying are about things people didn’t do
44:12
The speaker wrote a love list for their mom after she nearly passed out, listing both big and small acts of love

Chapters

Why do we hide our true selves—even over something as simple as steak tartare?
00:00
What happens when a mother hides her open marriage before her daughter's wedding?
07:19
How did anger turn into understanding—and what changed their relationship?
14:04
What danger does hiding your health history pose to your body and care?
17:27
Why does staying silent make us feel more alone than everyone else?
24:22
What do dating surveys and end-of-life regrets reveal about what we wish we'd said?
30:50
How did one medical scare rewrite the rules for saying 'I love you'?
44:12

Transcript

Shankar Vedantam: This is Hidden Brain. I'm Shankar Vedantam. You're sitting in a school bus next to your best friend. She tells you about the time she stole an eraser from the teacher's desk. You wonder whether you should tell her about the time you stole...