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Harvard’s Behaviour Expert: The Psychology Of Why People Don't Like You!

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Harvard’s Behaviour Expert: The Psychology Of Why People Don't Like You!

The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett

2025/12/15
The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett

The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett

2025/12/15
OverviewShownoteHighlightsTranscriptChaptersPins

Shownote

Why do your conversations keep going wrong? Harvard behavioural scientist Professor Alison Wood Brooks reveals the SECRETS to better communication, real connection, negotiation skills and difficult conversations!  Professor Alison Wood Brooks is a behavi...

Highlights

Navigating conversations with authenticity and skill can transform both personal and professional relationships. In this insightful discussion, behavioral scientist Alison Wood Brooks unpacks the research-backed principles behind meaningful communication, revealing how subtle shifts in mindset and technique can lead to deeper connections, greater influence, and more fulfilling interactions.
02:36
Learning one conversation strategy can greatly improve people's lives.
06:23
Podcasting allows skipping small talk to go straight to deep discussions
12:40
Saying 'I'm excited' shifts focus from threats to opportunities, improving performance in social and performance settings.
18:47
Anxious negotiators are more likely to leave prematurely or make bad offers.
22:53
Prioritizing others' needs can make you more valuable and increase your chances of getting what you want.
30:16
Not all meaningful conversations require high information exchange; emotional connection and enjoyment are valid and important purposes.
32:45
Over-apologizing is rare but can be counterproductive if done more than twice in a conversation.
38:45
It makes sense that you feel X about Y is a powerful validation phrase.
44:37
Disagreement triggers neurological alarm-bells, making engagement harder
46:28
Replacing 'but' with 'and' can improve relational dynamics by avoiding invalidation
48:07
The TALK framework is the most comprehensive, teachable, and scientifically rigorous communication framework.
50:04
We have control over conversation topics and should prepare them beforehand to improve dialogue.
51:47
Prepping conversation topics reduces anxiety and helps cover more points effectively
57:35
Asking about the meaning of life too early in a conversation can scare people off.
1:02:16
Asking one extra question significantly increases chances of a second date
1:03:27
Self-disclosure is a gift; good follow-up questions show appreciation.
1:07:26
Saying 'yeah' repeatedly while someone is speaking often signals you're not truly listening.
1:09:27
Understanding conversation as a quantifiable skill enables lasting improvement.
1:15:50
Self-awareness about energy levels enables honest communication in relationships
1:17:23
Levity includes humor and warmth, preventing boredom and supporting connection.
1:26:19
The three behavioral types in awkward situations are approachers, avoiders, and exiters.
1:40:27
Spies are trained to understand others' perceptions to persuade them.
1:50:11
Real relationships come from engaging in revealing conversations, asking questions, and listening.
1:55:27
Vulnerability is the key to connection and real relationships.
1:56:42
Being receptive to opposing views helps build persuasive influence.
1:58:50
A spy spent weeks listening to a taxi driver to gain government secrets, demonstrating the power of uninterrupted listening.
2:12:39
Team members used AI for interview feedback and ignored my emails
2:15:01
In an AI-dominated world, human conversation skills will be a superpower
2:19:28
Slight insincerity can serve sincere communication goals
2:25:14
If my life was a movie, the audience would tell me to leave Harvard and use 'Talk' to save kids from digital addiction and loneliness.

Chapters

Intro
00:00
People Need This to Communicate Well
02:34
Giving Wrong Impressions
04:38
Being a Better Speaker and Group Conversations
06:23
Experimenting With Communication Skills With My Identical Twin
11:31
The Science on How to Reframe Anxiety
12:40
If You're Nervous, You're More Likely to Make a Bad Decision
18:47
Asking for a Salary Raise
20:16
The Conversational Compass
24:39
How People Should Really Apologize and When It's Too Much
32:45
The Validation Trick in Any Dispute
37:31
Don't Do This When You Disagree
42:00
Stop Doing This During Disagreements
46:19
How to Be Liked
48:07
The T-A-L-L Framework
50:02
Easy Ways to Have More Casual Conversations
51:47
If You Want to Be Liked, Don't Do This
55:13
The Importance of Asking in Conversations and Dates
59:23
Never Do This on a Date
1:03:27
The Meeting Mistake You Shouldn't Make
1:07:26
Poor Communication Skills May Be Blocking Your Career Growth
1:09:27
Ads
1:12:02
The Importance of Kindness in Any Conversation
1:12:53
When to Incorporate Levity
1:17:20
The Science Behind Introverts and Extroverts — Is It Real?
1:23:55
Your Contribution Score in a Conversation
1:27:17
Ads
1:41:59
The Male Crisis: Ask These Questions to Make Friends
1:43:56
10 Questions to Be Liked
1:52:57
How to Persuade People and Be a Better Salesperson
1:56:42
People Confuse Agreement With Listening
1:58:47
This Is the Only Conversation That Feels Real
2:09:21
What Happens When Replacing Myself With AI
2:14:58
Show Your Real Self at Work: Yes or No?
2:19:23
How to Teach Your Kids to Speak
2:25:14

Transcript

Steven Bartlett: People really care about what's making them disliked, and they really want to know how to be liked. Alison Wood Brooks: OK, so first, this is an exercise that I do in my class at Harvard called 10 Questions to Fall and Like. Steven Bartl...